


Long Arms of the Law

by cthchewy (pyrrhic_victoly)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Crack, F/M, Gallows Humor, Other, because terezi, like literally - Freeform, mood dissonance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 12:18:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1982742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrrhic_victoly/pseuds/cthchewy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Screwing the boss, Alternian style.  Yup.  It's just the story of an office romance.  Really, it's not that weird if you think of it that way. </p><p>>;]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Long Arms of the Law

**Author's Note:**

> For [this prompt](http://homesmut.dreamwidth.org/39716.html?thread=44298788#cmt44298788), though I think I deviated from it quite a bit.

"GUILTY," His Honorable Tyranny bellowed.

"You hear that, criminal scum? His Honorable Tyranny has spoken! You are to be sentenced to a hanging." Head Legislacerator Terezi Pyrope snapped the noose in her hands. The whip-like snap of leather roused the jury's bloodthirst. (Though she still preferred the traditional sisal rope, comments from her fans had led her to upgrade to a leather noose which, Terezi admitted, added a certain theatrical flair to the process and also sparked the creation of the _Redglare_ comic book series. Anything for her fans.)

They want a show? They're going to get one.

Other legislacerators sometimes foisted their executions off to the bailiff drones, but not Terezi. She stalked toward her victim - and oh! how cute it was that he was growling at her, prepared to strife as if he thought he could win.

Before he could react, she'd leapt behind him and tightened the noose around his neck. He tried to kick, but Terezi felt the movement and rolled to the side. She dragged the victim, still struggling, all the way to the gallows. 

The jury and spectators chanted, "Justice! Justice! Justice!"

Terezi took a moment to let their cheers wash over her before she began looping her end of the noose into the gallows' mechanism. When it was done, she leaned in close to the criminal. The crowd's cheering died down to a hush as they strained to hear what she would say.

She took a whiff along his neck and smelled nothing but fear.

"You _stink_."

She pulled the lever. The body dropped. Cheers erupted once more, deafening in their intensity. Terezi turned her back to the scene and sauntered away as the criminal's corpse jerked in its death throes.

\---

In her office, Terezi gave a satisfied sigh and mentally patted herself on the back for a job well done. She began gathering the papers for her next case to review back at her hive. Overtime was nothing new to her. It was this diligence, after all, that had gotten her - a blind troll - the seat of Head Legislacerator.

Terezi was stuffing the case files into her briefgrub when a knock sounded at her office door. It was His Honorable Tyranny, the door clutched gently in his right arm, his muscles bunching around his shoulder with the extra effort involved in being careful. He was stooped low so that his horns wouldn't smash through the ceiling/impale an intern on the floor above like what happened last week.

"Good work, Pyrope. Say, you wouldn't happen to be free later tonight?"

"I don't believe I have anything planned, sir. Why?"

"I'd like to discuss some upcoming cases with you, but outside of the stuffy work environment. How does dinner at Hell's Nutrition Block sound?"

Terezi grinned, unable to keep the excitement off her face. "It sounds excellent, Your Tyranny."

\---

Dinner was amazing. The food was prepared to perfection and served to them by waitstaff who for once did not piss themselves. (The other diners had fled, but that was to be expected.) Hell's Nutrition Block had outdone themselves with the waitstaff training. Terezi's cursory sniff indicated that they had gone all the way to get a brownblood slave gladiator for the job. An excellent choice! Being forced to wrestle cholerbears had made them fearless and/or careless with their lives.

Sometimes, Terezi admitted, it was a chore to have business lunches or coffee dates with His Honorable Tyranny because they could never be spontaneous about that sort of thing. Being spontaneous led to screaming and the pissing of pants when the largest and most formidable Imperial Drone in all of Alternia stepped in for a cullpuccino. Any drones at all were a cause for panicking for most of the populace. It was doubly so for His Honorable Tyranny, who had been known to literally bite off trolls' heads if he was angered.

But _finally_ a restaurant had gotten it right. Terezi and His Honorable Tyranny had left a tip so large that the slave gladiwaiter could buy his freedom after just this one night of service.

And after dinner? They had talked for so long that His Honorable Tyranny had offered for her to stay at his hive since it was almost day. Terezi had moved near the capital city following her adult molt, but her hive was in the woods as a tribute to her wigglerhood home.

The Faygo they had throughout dinner and afterwards had gotten them both tipsy, and they stumbled together into His Tyranny's mansion. It wasn't much different from any blueblood's mansion; it was definitely smaller than the Grand Highblood's hive, that was for sure. Terezi kicked off her heeled boots and got comfortable at his request. His Honorable Tyranny sat down next to her; the couch dipped to the side under his weight.

"I've been meaning to tell you this," His Honorable Tyranny began. Terezi's attention was immediately all his. "Ms. Pyrope, I think you are a very, very attractive troll. I hope you don't think I'm being too forward."

Terezi grinned in a way she knew showed off her perfectly sharp teeth - her best asset, or so many a potential quadrantmate had told her. 

"Oh, don't worry, Your Tyranny. I've been told I'm quite forward myself." She trailed her bare foot up his armored leg and was pleased to hear the distinctive raspy chirr of concupiscent interest.

\---

His Tyranny smelt of gunpowder and black licorice. His exoskeleton was smooth as polished steel on her tongue and dark as the bitterest chocolate. She could smell the darkness of his black blood under the skin and plating and she couldn't get enough of it.

She'd tied him to the headboard by his horns while his hands were free to trail along her sensitive grubscars. Terezi straddled his thighs to bring their bulges together and, in this position, couldn't reach his mandibles for a kiss. 

It was such a shame. She would have loved to be able to run her hands through his six horns while riding his bulge.

\---

In the morning, they blushed and hesitated as new lovers do, but not for long since this was Head Legislacerator Terezi Pyrope, and she didn't get to where she was by being meek.

His Tyranny offered to make grubcakes for breakfast. It was his hive and he insisted on being a good host. Terezi took him up on the offer and went to set the table.

They left for work together and reviewed the night's first case as they hailed a taxi. The scuttlebuggy that stopped for them was a tad on the small side for His Tyranny, whose horns punctured the top even when he hunched down. The buggy whimpered in pain the whole way there, and they ended up paying extra to the driver for repairs. His Tyranny was chagrined, but Terezi thought it was another thing for them to laugh about in private.

The courtroom was again packed with Terezi's fans, looking for their regular serving of justice with a side of flair. The first defendent of the evening was a yellowblood female accused of trafficking mind honey. Terezi brought out the leather noose and snapped it in her hands as she laid out the evidence of the criminal's guilt.

"And the verdict, Your Tyranny?"

"GUILTY."


End file.
